by DAVID BROWN | CLEARNFO.com | Oct 10, 2014

I hate onions. Granted, some people like onions, some people tolerate onions and some people love onions but I do not like onions. So please don’t wreck my food with onions. I know that onions are one of the cheapest if not the cheapest “foods” on planet earth, so it is incredibly easy to gain access to this scourge on humanity. When dining out or eating with friends, I’m repeatedly told that ”You can’t taste them”. Well … If you can’t taste them then why do you put them in my food? In my opinion, people who use onions are usually very poor cooks. They cook something and then they say to themselves . . . well … that just doesn’t taste right so out of desperation they put in some onions to try to fix their bad meal. If you can’t cook, stay out of the kitchen.

Did you know that if you look at an onion whilst it is being cut under a microscope, it has little tiny pustules that explode? When you cut an onion, you break cells, releasing their contents. Amino acid sulfoxides form sulfenic acids. Enzymes that were kept separate now are free to mix with the sulfenic acids to produce propanethiol S-oxide, a volatile sulfur compound that wafts upward toward your eyes. This gas reacts with the water in your tears to form sulfuric acid. The sulfuric acid burns, stimulating your eyes to release more tears to wash the irritant away.

When you cut a carrot, it doesn’t make you cry!

Onions are everywhere, in almost every food but I don’t like white ones or yellow ones or purple ones or green ones. I don’t like them chopped or sliced, diced or minced. I don’t like chives or scallions or leaks. I’ve been told that chives aren’t onions by many wait-persons. This is just not true. I’ve been told there are sweet onions but they all smell like rotted flesh or a bad case of toe fungus. So please don’t wreck my food with onions. Thank you.